he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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