this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
