you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
