HIV tests are more positive than that guy
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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