If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Randomize
