My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Please, let me fuck your mom
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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