that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
