I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
