The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
organizing the empties. That sober.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
