i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I wanna passion pit in your ass
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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