i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
