I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
