Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
