I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
