I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
