My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
