the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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