i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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