I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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