He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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