Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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