he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
