is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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