Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
