I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
