if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Randomize
