fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
