I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
