in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
