you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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