According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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