Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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