OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
