At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
