I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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