Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
