well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
