I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
