Taylor Swift is so right about you.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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