Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You're like the curious george of whores
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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