i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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