We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
