my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
