Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
my poor anus
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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