thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
