Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he was CRYING into my vagina
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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