just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
