OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
