I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
