Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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