Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
