I don't usually arrange sex via text message
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
