So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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