the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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